I remember, some months back, I was working in my studio one late night, when it suddenly dawned on me that I had been sitting in this very chair, in this very room, churning out works night after night, missing deadlines, being a mess, and basically just hanging on by the end of my pen nib for almost two years… And I realized I did not know what I was doing or where I was going. There was too much going on and it did not help that I was stuck inside my house forever because of the pandemic. For some time after that, I took refuge in my sister’s workstation, because working in my studio triggered all sorts of fears, and I needed to get some work done.
I have been burnt out once before. At the time, I did not draw and make art for more than a year. I worked a desk job, kept away from my pens and sketchbook. My studio turned into a storeroom, and I watched more youtube videos than it was good for me. But then, one day my hands itched to draw and my heart was filled with excitement. And I could not wait to get back to creating once again.
Right now, I am the most unmotivated I have ever been in my life. It is hard to follow through on my plans. It is hard to look at myself and see only incompetence and shortcomings…
But I know this phase will pass and things will get easier. I don’t have a desk job to fall back on this time, nor I am planning on getting one. And strangely I am not in a hurry. It will be good to spend some time to recoup, to recenter and find my feet again. I have been running hard and fast for too long, and maybe this is a good opportunity to rest and rediscover myself. So in the new year, I will live slowly but make sure I am doing the things I want to do. I will rest and play, and keep moving forward.